When I think about the way she hurt me, I immediately start to compare. I compare what I have done or would have done that she failed to do in our relationship. I reflect on the fact that I’m most probably moving on from this friendship, and that there might be better ones in store for me. Every misunderstanding, cold shoulder and conversation that bruised my soul comes to mind and I feel my heart growing colder and harder by the second.
As I start to compare, reflect and consider all the heartache and bitterness this friendship has amounted to, I can feel the gentle tug of God’s Spirit convicting and convincing me of the love He has given me in situations like this. I am convicted that even I am not as innocent as the devil would like me to believe and as the Holy Spirit softens the blow of my offense, I remember the ways that I may have failed her too. I remember the ways in which I messed up too...
After years of doing life with church community, I quickly realized that friendships in the church and friendships in the world can resemble much in the same. There is brokenness and brittleness found in our day to day friendships and relationships. Community does not take away our selfishness, resentfulness and superficialness. Only Christ can do that.
I think of satan and all that he has stolen from us, but I choose to think more about grace with which God has given us to fight, so that we don’t pick up unnecessary wounds, or end up wallowing in our own self-pity. He has given us grace as a layer of protection over our hearts that fights to break down the walls of isolation built up so quickly through the death-dealing infection of offense.
God has given us grace so that we can look at the situation from the outside inwards, rather than standing from inside the mess, caught up in the chaos and commotion we are facing. He gives us grace so that we can live less offended, hurt, bitter and broken lives. He teaches us grace so that we can safeguard our hearts and the friendships he has entrusted to us.
He shows us the enemy’s plan and his tactics for division but He also shows us His own plan for unity and cohesion.
In the moment of our hurt, He gives us such a costly choice - a choice to fight with love, or a choice to destroy with hate. He offers us the opportunity to build a bridge through unity, or to tear one down through the enemy’s weapon of division.
Being a Father, he trusts us enough to imitate His ways, His character and to carry His posture. He invites us to stand on the side of truth, rather than falling prey to the lies and deception of our enemy who prowls along like a roaring lion, seeking to destroy what is most precious in our sight.
4 Ways satan comes to steal from relationships:
* Misunderstandings
* Small offenses
* Miscommunication
* Unmet expectations
The worst way satan comes to steal from us is by isolating us into a corner of “it’s just me.”
“It’s just me that’s hurt”.
“It’s just me whose needs remain unmet.”
“It’s just me that’s been left offended and hurt.”
The more we begin to analyze those feelings, the more we come to realize that the complete center of the conversations we tend to have with ourselves revolves around the word, “me.”
We get so caught up in our own disappointments that we overlook the disappointments of others. We believe the lie that we’re victims of a relationship misfortune plotted solely against us, that the world has somehow turned against us and we have every reason to justify the way we act.
We justify the cold shoulder we give or the hidden attitude of the heart hidden behind the thought, “I won’t ever let you hurt me again.” Friendships can sometimes hurt us, and even though God has given us healthy boundaries to put in place, there’s an awful lot of friendships that go to waste when people forget that just as they are often offended they can often act offensively too.
Walls and barriers might make us feel safer but it keeps friendships flimsy, fickle and fragile. When we then fall for the enemy’s lie of deception, we lose God’s view and perception.
Amidst all the messiness of friendships, God still asks us to forgive, move forward and move closer to His plan of cohesion. He asks us to partner with Him and relentlessly pursue the path of grace - a path less travelled but a path that has enough room for us all.
It is a path that leads to life, hope and righteousness. It calls us to pursue peace and to follow the ways and footsteps of our Heavenly Father, the way Jesus did, so eager to forgive, merciful and compassionate beyond our ability to always say, do and feel the right things.
We tend to fight with hate, but God in His bountiful love offers us a supernatural ability to fight with grace. He asks us to lay down whatever weapons we have, in order to pick up the greatest weapon of all - love. Gracious love.